need another drink. this is the easiest way
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
