Just fell off a train. Bad.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize