oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Randomize
