your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
