her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
True strength comes from lack of pants
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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