She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
