Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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