I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
