His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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