Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
