I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
