i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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