She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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