I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
