She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
