Fine. I'll sleep in my office
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
NoShamevember. You game?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
