i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
