Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
