you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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