last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
