you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
