Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
