just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
