It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
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