I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
