I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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