Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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