I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
