he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
