I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I got inside last night via doggy door
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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