Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You're breaking my sexual little heart
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
