she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
