I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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