I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
