You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize