dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
vagina is talking i cant
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
