I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
