you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
