Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Randomize