So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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