He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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