your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
