i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Randomize
