My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
There's even glitter on my cock...
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