Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
