I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize