I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I am available for nakedness
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
