The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
