friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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