What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize