Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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