I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
