Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
