We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
