dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
