can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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