I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
