White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
