dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
