You smell like a Billy Joel song
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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