i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
